Anxiety-Proof Dating Tips For Timid Guys

Published: 07th September 2011
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Some men are naturally gifted when it comes to talking to women. Although most men need to fine-tune their dating skills. Let's weigh in on some advice from the dating experts as to how men can start pushing the right buttons and attract the ladies!

Guys wondering how to ask a woman out on a date and get her to say yes should see the movie The Social Network. It's a somewhat half-fiction film about Mark Zuckerberg, the genius behind the number one social networking site on the planet, Facebook.

In the opening scene are some good examples of how a man should not talk to the female species: speaking in rapid-fire fashion while jumping from one topic to the next, 90 percent of the time talking about himself, while his confused date struggles to keep pace. All her efforts to understand what was going on were met with a defensive and acerbic comment. He's a jerk and when she dumps him in the end, telling him, going out with you is like dating a Stairmaster, we heave a sigh of relief.

Striking a conversation with a woman and asking her for a date is arguably one of the most nightmare-inducing things known to man. What if she rejects him? This fear of rejection may even immobilize him from actually initiating a conversation with a woman, even if she is already sending positive signals his way.

According to therapy guru Dr. Phil McGraw or Dr. Phil (as he is more widely known), men have to reverse this internal dialogue or it will keep them from having a healthy dating life.

To those who believe they are doomed to be shy wallflowers for the rest of their date-less lives, rest assured that successful daters weren't born that way; dating skills can be learned. Here are some tips from dating and relationship coach DeAnna Lorraine on how to push women's buttons the right way:

Don't worry about the outcome. It's not the end of the world if she rejects you, so take it in your stride. Approach many women (1 out of 2 women in the U.S. alone is single!), considering each encounter as a practice round until you gain enough confidence in yourself.

Don't put her up on a pedestal. Like you, women are just well, mere mortals. Treating her too highly will make you feel less confident about asking her out. Treat her as an equal so she'll respond the same way to you.

Steer clear of cliche lines. Overused pickup lines and excessive flattery won't get you anywhere with her. Engage her attention by asking open-ended questions so she'll have a chance to elaborate instead of simply responding with a yes or no. Don't try so hard to impress her with highbrow talk either or you'll come off as just being full of yourself.

Let your body send the right signals. Never cross your arms, fidget, or look away when you talk to her or stare too hard until your eyes start to water. Look in her eyes for 5 seconds, blink and then look away. Keep eye contact again for 3 seconds, look away and then repeat the process. Maintain a distance of about 2 feet away so she won't feel uncomfortable that you're invading too much of her personal space, but not too far away that you make her think that you're feeling intimidated yourself.

Don't overstay your welcome. Some men make the mistake of hanging around too long. It's either they are so smitten with her that they are reluctant to leave, or they simply don't know when to make a proper exit! Lorraine says guys should depart (after you've asked her for a date and got her card) when the conversation is going great, not when it already starts to wind down. This gives her the impression that you have a life, making you more interesting in her eyes and leave her wanting to get to know you more.

A great way to re-engage the singles scene is to embrace the social acceptance of technology. There are some fantastic free online dating sites available these days which are far less intimidating than bars or clubs. Free dating websites allow you to slowly merge back into the dating game and to slowly hone your dating skills and confidence.

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